Step 3.0 Recovery Program from Narcissist Abuse
After beginning Step One of the Recovery process from toxic relationships, Step Three is a natural transition to keep the process’s integrity while engaging in extreme self-care. Step One- Detach from the Story assisted in ending the endless ruminating about what he/she did, said, or behaved. This helped simmer your anxiety, lower your cortisol inflammation, and avoid getting stuck in the story. Your body is finally able to get some much-needed rest.
Step Three helps you move forward while continuing the physical healing from hypervigilance, PTSD, and deep hurt. In this step you will focus on taking good care of yourself, taking time to rest and recover, and begin to explore future possibilities for what’s next. Here you shift your focus from the narcissist or toxic ex-partner to you. A wise man once told me that you cannot give up something without adopting a behavioral replacement. The one you lost, your love, leaves a gap, a deep dark void, and without some hope for your future, it will be natural for you to want to fall back into the story or find a quick replacement (rebound). Remember, until you heal, the partner you choose can most likely be a duplicate of the last one. (Here is where you might relate to the lamenting phrase: ‘Why do I always choose this type?’)
The old story is the security blanket that anchors you to a virulent comfort but it is something nevertheless to hold onto. So, using creativity, imagination, and pen and paper, sit in a quiet space and dream. Start off with deep breathing, remember you are a beloved soul and deeply loved. Stretch the boundaries of your imagination. What would you do, if you could not fail? Gently land on all areas of your life: where you live, what you do for a living, what you do for play and hobbies. Is there something you have always wanted to do but thought it more practical to put off until a later date? If you could wake up to your perfect life, what would it look and feel like? No matter how persistent your logical mind works to inhibit your creative thoughts, stretch out of those confines, and dream big. There is no failure here. This practice is the foundation and beginning of your exploration. Begin with realizing that the narcissist and your conditioning informef your old patterns, old ways of thinking, and behaving, kept you stuck in the prison of dysfunction and limitations. Once you stretch your imagination, you will see that your life can be limitless in joy, peace, and harmony. Your body, your health, and your life depend on this exploration. You are planting seeds that will, once you commit to this process, become fertile and lead to new ways of being new opportunities and new experiences. One step forward leads to a thousand more in directions you cannot see yet. You must trust and believe. Coming through the darkness has armed you with coping mechanisms, wisdom, insights, and the experience to take this dark period in your life and turn it into gold if you so desire.
This process will be challenging if you have co-dependent tendencies, are a rescuer, or a people pleaser. Those traits are a perfect match for a narcissist. This also says that you are other or outwardly focused. You have not put yourself first. You probably minimize your discomfort and pain. Be aware of this. Help your inner child know that you are essential and must put yourself first if you are to thrive, and survive out of the old patterns.
For too long you have ‘acted’ OK. It is time, during this program, to start peeling off the mask, and discover your authentic self. This discovery process will ground you, make you stronger, more sure of yourself, and finally find your north star. Take it easy. Go slow. Protect yourself during this process as you will be vulnerable. As always I am here for you.
Check out Step 1 of the 10-Step Recovery Program from Narcissists.
Diane Dennis is a RN, certified life coach, holds a certification in training and development, domestic violence advocacy, author, columnist and writer. She has a Youtube channel teaching healing modalities for adult children of narcissists. Email at dianedenimc@gmail.com.
