Why you are a People Pleaser
I had a dream when I was 9 years old that I found myself in the garbage can and taken to the curb! That is not what literally happened, but it is obvious that it was in my subconscious mind, the fear of being thrown out.
If you grew up with or married someone on the Narcissism spectrum, you bent over backwards, using every strategy in your childlike or adult mind, to try to make them happy. We did this because we were rewarded with approval if they perceived we were part of their temporary happiness. When they were unhappy, we became the target to blame. Under this duress we forfeited our self, abandoning our identity.
We accepted our status as subpar in every way.
We are wired to ‘know’ that if our caregivers or partners don’t like or love us, we could be cast out, kicked to the curb!
Truth # 1
If you had a Narcissistic parent or partner, you spent years putting their needs first, at the expense of your own needs, hopes and dreams. You were not spontaneous, you were strategic and vigilant. You did not play, you fretted, anticipated, and served.
While you engaged in this toxic dance, it was at the expense of your growth, your happiness, your identity and autonomy — your first priority was to please them, and try to protect yourself — a futile dance in trauma bonding…