What’s Love Got to do with it?

In a transactional society, how do we develop and sustain a heart-centered mentality when it comes to love? Do we want to be loved for who we are, or for what we can provide someone else?

Transactional relationships are often a Plan B after a lover becomes jaded and worn down by betrayal and abuse. “My heart is off limits,” the unconscious mind says, “but I still want some benefits from this relationship. So, I will settle for this — but not that.”

With one foot in and one foot out, these “relationships” most often fizzle out after the rush of the endorphin high drops — aka the honeymoon phase.

When I ask love-seeking people whose hearts have been bruised what they are looking for in a relationship, they invariably rattle off a list of things they do not want. These “things” are an old laundry list of grievances from negative experiences in other relationships. “I want this, but I’m not giving up that!”

This thinking is akin to going to the grocery with a list of things you do not want, instead of what you do want, and most importantly, need.

This ghosts-from-the-past orientation leaves little room to let fresh-faced love in. Once burned and jaded, the love-seeker becomes judge and jury, positioning a potential partner as guilty by association and having to “prove” themselves worthy.