Revenge Fantasies about the Narcissist

After I ended the relationship with a Narcissist, I would lay awake at night and have the best revenge fantasies. All of my attention was on sticking it to him, an eye for an eye, and how vengeful I could be in the dark of night when all distractions disappeared so that the only thing left to focus on was my pain. Thinking of doing something horrible to him gave me a sense of relief, like the pressure was let out of my pumped up anger.

Fortunately I left all of my vengeful fantasies in my head because as it turns out the brain science of revenge tells us that acting out revenge is not pleasurable. In fact it prolongs the agony of the breakup and memories.

MRI studies show that when we ‘think’ of revenge, the dopamine centers in our brain are activated. That explains why thinking about revenge brings a sweet sense of pleasure. However, when performing an act of revenge, the dopamine center is not activated. Instead, pain is prolonged!

But you may want some assurance that what happened to you will never occur again. You don’t think you could survive that pain again. So we make a sort of bargain, at the expense of our future.

Our brain is wired for survival and safety. Unfortunately we need to develop mastery over our thinking, actions and triggers so that we are able to make good choices without…