Leave the Doormat at the Door!

The plan to grow up and leave the narcissistic parent to be on your own and live happily ever after carries a few illusions. In my naivety, I assumed that I was leaving my problem(s) behind. I had yet to learn that my role in the dysfunctional family dynamic would tag along with me, woven into the fiber of my psyche-my very own designer baggage. Until I relearned how to show up in a new way in the world, I would lug the effects of my childhood into adulthood.

I discovered that those bosses eager to hire me might have seen my ‘people pleasing’ ways as a benefit to the job. However, those bosses, and friends who befriended or hired me, pulled me right back into the dynamic I was so eager to leave. Of course I was playing along in my well- worn role, until I woke up.

So are we forever chained to the dynamic we were born into? The answer is a no. The antidote, however, to stepping out of the demeaning and exhausting role of acting as the caregiving- people- pleasing person to the narcissistic personality, is to arm yourself with awareness, education and a strong commitment to change those behaviors, actions and reactions you were born in to.

You can leave a toxic relationship. However, if you don’t heal and mend what attracted you to them, they show up again. The same toxic mess, just a different person.