Customize your Boundaries for the Holidays

Seasonal family holidays are near. While it is easy to beg off invitations to family events in the summertime, the traditional November and December holidays come with expectations, traditions, and for some, trepidations.

Saying no is easy. Saying yes with boundaries takes skill. “Yes I will come for Thanksgiving dinner, and I must leave by 5:30pm”. Boundaries come in a variety of forms. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries have their own sets of parameters, skill sets, and characteristics.

Physical Boundaries are those that define your body and space. You may prefer or need several feet between you and others when in conversation. If you are highly sensitive, the smells, attitudes, and energies people carry can affect you immensely. You may feel repelled if you are in the same room with that ‘someone’ who drives you nuts. Setting physical boundaries can be done successfully when subtle cues are used. Backing up when talking with people, scooting your chair over a smidge at the dinner table to get breathing room are commonly acceptable boundary adjustments. Sometimes though, you need to be in another building. In that case, conflict resolution may be needed. Going ‘no contact’ is usually a temporary strategy until something is done to clear the air. (Reach out for a coach or counselor for help because well intentioned…