Boundaries — Yours, Mine, Ours

Chances are, if you have been affected by a Narcissist, whether a parent or key relationship figure in your life, you have had your personal boundaries violated. If you are an adult child of a Narcissist, you did not learn healthy and safe boundary setting.

Narcissists are boundary violators. They do not want you to have personal boundaries, because they want your boundaries to be fluid enough for them to get to you in ways that do not serve you well.

For example: Your significant other continuously texts and calls while you are at work. You may have told him/her that you cannot take personal calls at work, and even that your job security depends on following this rule. The Narcissist does not heed this warning or advice. He/she continues the behavior, and then begins to blame you for not respecting them and taking their call.

If you were raised by a Narcissist, you do not necessarily see this as a red flag. You see this as a problem to solve. This causes you anxiety. You take more or longer breaks at work than you should. Your people pleaser behavior kicks in. You bend over backwards to accommodate your significant other’s poor boundaries because you see this as love, because that is what you know. An adult child of a Narcissist was trained to see pleasing and obeying the “rules” of the Narcissist as love. So, it feels like “loving” your…